Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
