I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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