I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
