My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
