You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
