You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize