Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
