anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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