as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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