What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
