Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
