We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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