There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
