i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
