you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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