Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
