HIV tests are more positive than that guy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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