The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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