i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
