What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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