I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
