I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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