It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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