4 words: hood of his car
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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