she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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