shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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