Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize