Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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