I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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