she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
