It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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