they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
