Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
