I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
