I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
