i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize