Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
