Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
