He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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