it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
