after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
