He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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