please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
