K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just cropdusted the office
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
