Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
