he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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