tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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