he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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