yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
