....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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