Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
