I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
