C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
should my penis look like a turkey
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize