Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
