it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
