I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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