i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
