and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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