One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Everything about him screamed your future.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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