i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
