and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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