i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
