there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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