Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
