Don't you send me to vm
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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