I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
