I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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