What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
