u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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