I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
