There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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