He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
did i just pee glitter
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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