I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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