I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
