I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
