im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
