she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
smell my finger.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
