Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
