they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
