The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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