I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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