see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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